Since the names of the season finales of Doctor Who are now basically trolling fandom (last year The Wedding of River Song; this year, well, it’s a spoiler, I guess), I thought I’d help out by giving a few suggestions for future episode names that’ll totally have fandom flailing around in wild speculation and even louder yelling about just how awful Doctor Who’s got since RTD/Hinchcliffe/that policeman wandered past a junkyard:
The Doctor’s Mother – remember those heady days, about fifty years ago when the Doctor having relatives was perfectly normal? No longer! Thanks a lot, nineties fandom.
The Doctor’s Human Mother – for added lols.
The Doctor’s Birth – he was born under the sign of crossed computers y’know. CANONICAL. (The Creature from the Pit, yo.)
The Doctor’s Looming – Looms were these things that were mentioned properly once. ONCE. In a terrible, terrible book and fandom has never recovered. If ever having an argument about Doctor Who that you feel like you’re losing, simply yell “LOOOOOOOOMS!!” You will still have lost, but lost grandly.
Death of the Doctor – …oh, no, we’ve already had that. TWICE. (The Death of Doctor Who close enough to be counted, surely, yes.)
The Proper Actual Final Death of the Doctor (We Really Mean It This Time. Promise.) – Yeah, that’ll work.
The Doctor’s Sister – if you think that would be okay, you haven’t met fandom. The Doctor’s brother? Sure, some people are already cool with Braxiatel (I’m not, oh, my judgieness at Braxiatel, it is vast) and there was that thing with the Master (and if there’s one thing we can thank RTD for, it’s putting all the nails of the coffin in that, yay) but a woman brother? Oh, the sexism and Mary Sue accusations and bullshit, it would be immense.
The Doctor’s Favourite Companion – Though I imagine there’ll be a lot of disappointingly diplomatic people who’ll say, well, the TARDIS, of course.
The Doctor’s Favourite Human Companion – Not the TARDIS then!
The Doctor Has Sex – Of course he does.
River Song is the Doctor – Yeah, that’ll make perfect sense.
The Doctor vs David Tennant – I imagine it as some manner of boxing match, and I hate sci-fi boxing episodes.
The Doctor Kills the TARDIS – He’s probably done that in the books already, but they don’t count.
The Doctor Swaps the TARDIS for the Enterprise – The original one, obviously.
The Reason the Doctor Left Gallifrey – it’s something really dull, I like to assume. Parking tickets or the like.
Please feel free to use any or all titles, Doctor Who writers! No credit required! I’m happy to help. 🙂