I failed to make a Friday Flail list so instead (and I totally started writing this on Friday, so it somehow counts against not failing at regular blogging) I give you my DOCTOR WHO BUCKETY LIST. It was supposed to be Bucket List but I typoed and then thought I liked the typo better. ANYWAYS. This is a list of everything I would like to see in (proper, meaning telly) Doctor Who before I DIE. Several things to bear in mind as you, no doubt a reader of fine taste and grand intellect, peruse this list (1) I consider the Time Monster to be top notch Who (2) I’m writing this inbetween gaming where I’m in the midst of a miserable losing streak and this does not make me cheery (3) I’m quite tired, it’s almost midnight (4) I’m making this up as I go along.
- Doctor-Master bodyswap with Michelle Gomez and Peter Capaldi. Cause who DOESN’T want to see them play the other part?? No-one. The correct answer is no-one.
- Patrick Stewart as the Meddling Monk. Ah, the one rumour that I really had my HEART SET ON. And yet it’s not that ridic. Ian McKellen was in it, why wouldn’t PT want to? Apart from time. And money. And maybe hating Doctor Who, I don’t know. But it would be GREAT.
- A WOMAN DOCTOR. I’ll tell you who I want to be the Doctor more than anyone else on the planet: Alice Krige. If you don’t know who that is (AND WHY NOT??) she’s actually my very favourite (living) actor and South African so TECHNICALLY ineligible to play the Doctor but sod that, she’d be amazing (she was the Borg Queen, okay? DON’T JUDGE HER BASED ON THAT. Watch Children of Dune and judge her on that.) Actually, Anna Maxwell Martin would also be perfect and wonderful and I’d love her like pie AND she’s even been in the show already (The Long Game) so that means she’s practically got the job.
- Gel Guards. A big fuck off army of Gel Guards. So many classic Who monsters have returned, mostly not all that well, but how could ANYONE get Gel Guards wrong? Exactly. It literally COULDN’T happen.
- Ooh, Raston Warrior Robot. Yeah. God, they’d probably make it CGI, DON’T DO THAT. Non-CGI Raston Warrior Robot.
- The Rani. If only cause then you have to pretend in promos and shit that Time and the Rani is amazing (IT IS). But actually yeah, New Who’s pretty decent with female villains, bring back THE BEST ONE.
- You’re probably reading this thinking “dear God, doesn’t she want anything cool and new and original instead of just a lot of recycled old tat from the classic series?” And you know what, reader, YOU’RE RIGHT. That is basically all I want.
- NIMON. Another classic monster that it’s literally impossible to get wrong. FACT.
- Okay, actually I want some cool FUTURE EARTH stuff where this are GALACTIC POLITICS and interplanetary diplomacy with Ice Warriors on Mars, and Draconians, and it’s all just a THIN ALLEGORY of EU politics. (Yes, I know we had that before and one of the results was Monster of Peladon, but there is NO WAY a show could make something as tedious as Monster of Peladon TWICE…oh, wait, Voyage of the Damned, never mind. No, wait, there’s no way they could do it a third time. NO TELLY COULD BE THAT UNLUCKY.)
- Actually, sod it, it’s my list, I’d like a remix of Season 17. For the lols. My lols. No-one else’s probably.
Right, I have to go pretend I know about Star Trek on a podcast.